Heart
by decievingeyes
Summary: Songfic based on "Heart" by The Pretty Reckless. Tina-centric.


"_Never wanted to feel_

_Never wanted you to steal my heart_

_Never wanted you to know_

_Never wanted to show I'm weak…"_

Tina flopped onto her bed, letting her tears drench her face to the point where her hair plastered to her cheeks. Choking with sobs, she picked up the photograph of Mercedes, Artie, Kurt, Rachel, Finn, and herself off the nightstand beside her. It was taken right after they performed "Don't Stop Believing" in an empty auditorium. It was the day that started it all.

She studied the photo. Mercedes was less of a diva now, although she did have her moments. Finn and Rachel were engaged, and Rachel had improved her fashion sense greatly. Kurt had a boyfriend and was much more confident in himself. Artie had decided he wanted to be a director since he couldn't dance.

Then there was her. Tina Cohen-Chang. She fiddled with the blonde highlights in her hair. They used to be blue. She glanced down at her pink dress, which she chose specially for Sugar's Valentine's Day party. Three years ago, she would have been wearing black skinny jeans, leather boots, and whatever top and accessories she could find to match. Hell, three years ago, she would've ditched the dumb party for a movie night with Mercedes.

Where was that girl?

That's what she'd been asking herself lately. She used to be someone. She used to be the shy Goth who could sing her heart out but didn't have the guts to do it in front of people. Now where was she?

"_I'm falling all over myself_

_Trying to be someone else_

_I wish you would dare to walk me home_

_So I wouldn't have to feel alone…"_

She was dead, replaced by this cliché, pink dress-wearing girl who was never seen with anyone but her supposedly out-of-her-league boyfriend. The new Tina had no desire to please herself or her friends, because she didn't have any. At least, not anymore. It didn't feel like she did. All she was now was Mike Chang's Asian girlfriend. She wasn't shy. She wasn't Goth. She didn't even sing anymore…and to think she did it all for him.

"_Always wanted to be_

_Always wanted you to see my heart_

_Always wanted your love_

_Always wanted but never was…"_

Him. Mike Chang. The boy she'd crushed on for as long as she could remember. She knew he'd never like her. She promised herself she'd get over him. She'd never be the girl who made a fool of herself over a worthless high school boy who wouldn't matter in ten years.

Then she found out she was wrong. He was so nice to her at Asian camp. He said she was a great singer. He said she was better than the slutty cheerios that the other boys wanted. He said she was beautiful and funny and all the things she wanted to hear. Then he kissed her and she kissed back and she turned into a cheating bitch. Exactly the girl she didn't want to be.

"_I'm falling all over myself_

_Trying to be someone else_

_I wish you would dare to walk me home_

_So I wouldn't have to feel alone…  
><em> 

Of course, at the time, she didn't care. She was in love, so she thought. Everything was perfect and amazing until…it wasn't.

"Do you own any color but black?" He had asked her. She had shrugged, pretending not to care, but it got to her. The criticism in his voice hurt.

That night, after he left, she had put all of her Goth clothes, makeup, and accessories in storage and bought a new, non-Goth wardrobe. She tore down the posters of her favorite bands. Evanescence, Flyleaf, Within Temptation, Fireflight, Super Chick, The Pretty Reckless, everything came down and was replaced by things that normal girls have on their walls, like lame mainstream celebrities and cutesy shit like kittens. She replaced her black curtains with lacey white ones to make the room brighter. She took off the purple quilt on her bed and put a nice flowery one in its place. It wasn't her, but Mike liked it, and that was all she needed.

"_I'm falling all over myself_

_Dying to be someone else_

_I wish you would dare to walk me home_

_I don't want to fight the world alone…"_

Was it, though? Yes, it was, she decided. Enough for the time being. Enough for her…but not for him.

Lately, he'd been different. When she changed her appearance completely, he seemed pleased. He seemed to like the new Tina. He even told her she looked prettier than she did in her previous style.

It didn't last long. After a while, he'd grown cold, distant. He'd brought up her stutter and treated her like she was totally below him. She thought he was just angry with his dad, so she blew it off and tried to help, but it continued after he and his dad finally made up. He kept treating her worse and worse. She blamed it on stress.

Lord knows, she was wrong.

Just half an hour ago, she spotted him getting cozy with Quinn Fabray at Sugar Motta's party. She heard him say all the things he said to her. He was pulling the same old tricks on another girl.

It stung.

"Why?" She had asked him. "Why am I suddenly not good enough for you? I threw everything away for you! I don't have an identity anymore! Do you remember when people called me 'Asian' and you 'Other Asian?' Huh? Remember that? Well, guess what? It's the other way around now! I'm no one now, and it was all to keep _you_ around! So can you at least tell me why you have to go and tell another girl exactly what you've been telling me for the past two years?"

"_Never told you before_

_Never loved you more…"_

He didn't reply. Instead, he shot Quinn a longing look, to which she replied with a friendly wave. Not flirty or seductive. Friendly. She knew Tina and Mike were dating, and she was really the closest thing Tina had to a friend right now, so she'd never do that. Apparently, Mike would.

"I changed for you." She had hissed at him. "I said I'd never change for anyone, but I did. I changed for you." Tears burned in her eyes as she jabbed her index finger into his chest. I made a fool of myself over a sleazebag like you. I can't believe it. I cannot believe it." A shaky laugh escaped her throat. "You and your charm and your good looks and your abs. You made me fall for you just so you could chuck me aside without warning when you got bored. Well, you know what? Go talk to Quinn. Go have your fun with all the cute blondes in the world and then throw 'em out like the garbage you think they are. Go do to them exactly what you just did to me. See if I care. But do me a favor and stay away from my friend."

And that was it. The end of Chang Squared or whatever their friends called them, and he didn't even put up a fight. He stood there and let her rant at him without even trying to explain or apologize for anything. He just watched her storm out of Breadstix, shrugged, and waltzed back over to Quinn without even mentioning his now ex-girlfriend. He didn't even care.

She should have known fairytales don't come true. Not in real life.

She was pissed. Beyond pissed. There are no words in the English language to describe just how pissed she was. He let her forget who she was for him just so he could kick her to the curb for one of her only almost friends.

"_I'm falling all over myself_

_Trying to be someone else_

_I wish you would dare to walk me home_

_So I wouldn't have to feel alone…"_

When she got home, she stomped up the stairs and did something she shouldn't have had to do in the first place: she tore her bedroom to shreds. The stupid posters were in pieces; the tacky bedspread lay in a bundle on the floor. The curtains were coming off the rod, and her vanity table was a mess of spilt or smashed makeup and broken costume jewelry. The stupid flowery clothes were scattered across the room. It looked like a tornado had hit only the inside of her bedroom, and oddly enough, she felt better. The anger was gone. It was as if by destroying the poor excuse of a bedroom she destroyed her poor excuse of an identity along with it.

The anger was gone, but the pain of being betrayed was still there. That was why she cried and stared at the image of her old self. The girl in the picture wasn't dead, she realized, but lost. She set down the picture, wiping her tears away. Her room was trashed, but in a way, it had been trashed already. As she picked up the poster shreds and threw them in the garbage, she made a decision. Tomorrow, she would use the money she'd been saving to restore her bedroom and wardrobe. She was going to find that lost girl.

"_I'm falling all over myself _

_Dying to be someone else _

_I wish you would dare to walk me home_

_I don't want to fight the world alone_

_I don't want to fight the world alone_

_I don't want to fight the world alone."_


End file.
